Book Talk

 

I'll  be the first to admit that I only received decent grades in my high school science courses because I had the good sense to choose lab partners who were much more gifted than I in biology, physics, etc.  So when I picked The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks for my book club to read, I knew I'd have to work to get myself into a science frame of mind while reading.  While I found myself reading in smaller chunks than I might normally with a faster-paced fictional story (a couple pages a night rather than a couple of chapters, which I'll blame partially on pregnancy sleepiness), I remained glued to the story of Henrietta.  She was being treated for cancer in the early 1950s at Johns Hopkins Hospital, and without her knowledge or consent, doctors took some of her cells to use for various tests.  Her cells, nicknamed HeLa cells, turned out to provide doctors and scientists with more information and opportunity than they could have ever imagined, and have made millions of dollars.  This book gives detailed accounts of the science behind Henrietta's cells, and what has made HeLa so valuable over the years.  It also tells the story of a family whose members have lived in poverty for generations while scientists made medical gains and a lot of money with the help of their relative's cells.  I highly recommend this book; it's fascinating.

Recently the 8th grade honors English classes started reading Fahrenheit 451. In a conversation with some of them about the book, I decided it was time for me to reread it.  This is going to sound crazy (or maybe not), but I now know that I will never read this book again.  Just like a movie we watched early in my pregnancy with Sara, I know that my brain will forever associate this book with feeling like crap and having the rusty nail taste in my mouth.  Anyone know what I'm talking about?  Anyway, if you've never read this classic about a future in which firemen don't put out fires, but instead start them wherever books are found, you should pick it up.  It's short and easy to read.  I think Ray Bradbury is a genius; I love his short stories, and I am a huge fan this novel in which fireman Guy Montag finds himself being made aware of a past when people weren't afraid to learn and a future where people are allowed to think.  Such knowledge sets Montag's actions into motion, and he finds himself defying everything he's ever been told to believe.  It's like an extended Twilight Zone episode.

I enjoy Kelly Kapoor more than almost any other character on The Office, and I've been wanting to pick up her memoir, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns) since it came out a few months back.  After loving Tina Fey's book when I read it last year, I prepared myself for a similar read.  While not as funny or laugh-out-loud as Tina's book (a fact that Mindy acknowledges in her opening pages), I remained highly entertained throughout.  The book follows Mindy through years of being the nerdy daughter of immigrant parents (a doctor and an architect) to Dartmouth to NYC - where she hopes to "make it" - to L.A. and The Office, which she writes, directs, sometimes produces, and acts in during most episodes.  A quick and enjoyable read, whether or not you're a fan of her show, I know you'll enjoy this book (particularly if you are of the female persuasion).

"Reading furnishes the mind only with materials of knowledge; it is thinking that makes what we read ours."

John Locke

Wordless Wednesday

Follow-up Post: Working Dads

I recently wrote a post on being a working a mom.  I enjoyed reading your comments, and especially appreciated that, in one comment, my mom brought up the fact that many dads work, too.  I had actually considered addressing working dads in my original post, but at the time, that seemed like more than I could tackle in a single post.

I know just a couple of stay-at-home-dads, one of whom is a cousin.  I haven't really done any research (nor do I plan to), but I think it's safe to say that there are more SAHDs now that ever before - either by family choice or potentially due to the recession and job loss (for the record, it's family choice for my cousin, who is forever kept busy with projects, cooking, educational outings with his son, etc.).  I would guess that for some men, becoming a SAHD by default may have been difficult, especially for those who feel they are the ones who should be providing for the family.  For others, perhaps it has been liberating: finding themselves providing for their families in a different, unplanned way, and possibly really enjoying the new role.  For any family who had previously been working with two incomes, this would be a difficult situation.  But similarly, many families make sacrifices so one parent can stay home - often this decision happens by choice, not necessarily because someone lost a job.

I don't think we ever really consider how a dad feels about things like being away from home, working long hours, traveling (for those whose jobs require it).  I know that, as a mom, even when I'm at work, I still feel like I should be the one to take Sara to well-child visits, pick her up from school when she's sick, etc.  Although Steve and I do a good job of balancing these responsibilities, there is always a little twinge of guilt when Sara is sick and daycare can't reach me, calls him, and I find out he's already on his way to pick up Sara before I've even had time to listen to the message.  I think it's hard for us moms to remove ourselves from feeling like, regardless of where we work during the day, we still have to do it all.  Before I had Sara, I never envisioned myself being able to drop everything and say, "Work can wait."  But now I don't think twice.  Interestingly enough, whatever I left on my desk Tuesday evening is always still there Wednesday morning ... imagine that.

I think that, in a generation where men don't always necessarily out-earn women, and where men tend to have closer relationships with their children than in generations past (again, no research, just my general assumptions and observances), it's just important to consider how a dad feels when it comes to working full time outside the home.  Just because a dad may not outwardly dwell in his guilt, or discuss said guilt in social circles over a thirty-two ounce cold one, I have to think he still feels a tug at the heartstrings when he thinks about the hours he spends away from his children during the week.  We all depend on the comfort we feeling in knowing that what we do is out of love.  To reiterate what I said in my previous post, we all ultimately try to do what we feel is best for our families.  Or maybe, a little more accurately, we do what we feel is best for us, so we can be best for our families.  But in 2012, I think it may be a little antiquated to consider the plight of the working mother without also considering the working father.

Remnants

Our breakfast-for-dinner Valentine's meal included blueberry muffins.  This is what Sara did to the remaining muffins that I left sitting on the kitchen table:

Is it possible that my three-year-old has seen one too many episodes of "Seinfeld"?  She's a total stump snob.  Top of the muffin to you!

On Being a Working Mom

For the first time, I'm linking up with Kelly's Korner "Show Us Your Life" Friday.  When I saw that the topic was on working moms, I thought, this is something I can write about.

I never thought I would be anything other than a working mom.  I had a working mom, and when my dad died, I began to have an understanding of the importance of her education and her independence as a result of having been a career woman.  I think that since that time, perhaps a little subconsciously, I've equated career with stability.  I completely credit my mom with teaching me that you can be successful in your career and be a great mom.  But it sure takes a whole lot of balance.

I am a school administrator, and I love my job.  No doubt about it.  I like getting dressed up in the morning, and I find satisfaction and fulfillment in knowing that people depend on the job that I do.  Still, there are days, as I'm pouring myself into hundreds of kids, I feel guilty about the fact that I'm not home pouring into my own child.  When I'm not home on the weeknights because I'm at a basketball game or a band concert, I find myself hoping that Sara hasn't fallen asleep by the time I get home just so I can have a few minutes with her before the end of the day.  Some mornings when she is so tired and asks if she can just stay in bed, I find myself wanting to say, "Yes!  Stay in bed, we'll have a quiet day at home." 

A former colleague recently decided to stay home with her child.  In an e-mail she said something to the effect of, "I'm looking forward to staying home so I can be a wife and a mom."  While I understood her intent behind her words, I found myself growing a little defensive.  I'm a wife and a mom.  I'm not perfect at either, but I think I do a decent job at both.  Her statement insinuated (probably unintentionally) that a working mom can't be a wife and mom the same way a stay at home mom can be.  It's true that I don't spend my weekdays with Sara, taking her on outings or teaching her at home.  And most nights we don't eat a big homemade dinner.  But I don't love my daughter any less, and I don't feel that having a career diminishes in any way my understanding of the job I must do in raising my own well-rounded, productive child.

It's true that, for me, there is often guilt attached to being a working mom.  As a result, I do very little socially.  My book club outings each month are the extent of my social time, but that's a stipulation I put on myself, and I'm okay with it.  When I have the time to just be with my family, I frankly don't care to spend it away from them.  Because I work outside of the home, my priority when I'm not at work is to be home.  When I do have just a few hours to spend with Sara in the evenings, my guilt is magnified when I find myself spending the bulk of the time disciplining her, but I get that that is just part of parenting - regardless of how much time is spent together.

I don't know whether I'll always feel the way I do right now.  I think, in the end, we all make decisions that we feel are going to be best for our families.  At this point, I believe that my decision to work and pursue my career is what's best.  I think the key to making it work is being happy with what you're doing.  I'm happy at my job; it's hard, and it's not always pretty, but I feel like I do important work, and I thrive in that type of environment (I imagine SAHMs would describe their jobs much the same way).  Sara loves going to her school.  She learns so much, she's made good friends, and she is always excited to tell us about her day.  Although the mornings are early and the nights are sometimes late, we don't spend our days in misery ... and that, I think, is the difference maker. 

One morning a couple of weeks ago, I got to work and had an e-mail from a friend.   In my response, I told her that the events of that morning (tears, arguments over what to wear, etc. with Sara) made me really glad to be a working mom. Getting away from the drama at home felt good that morning.  She responded by saying that, hey, there's a strong possibility that Sara was equally glad that I was a working mom ... as I was walking out of daycare she was probably thinking, "Thank goodness, she's gone for a little while!" The e-mail exchange made me laugh and offered important perspective from an outsider looking in.  I hope that, down the road, I will look back and think, I'm so glad I was a working mom.  And I hope Sara feels the same way.

Weekend Update

For the record, I would be completely in favor of working more hours four days a week as a trade-off for turning every weekend into a three-day affair.  It feels like the weekend hardly starts before it's almost over and we're getting ready for another week.

Yesterday we went to a friend's birthday party, and then went on a family outing to NorthPark.  We had a Magianno's gift card we'd been wanting to use, and Steve also intended to let me pick out a birthday present.  His original idea had been for me to pick out a new purse, which I had been wanting for a while.  I love having a new purse, but hate spending money on one, so I tend to stick to my small rotation of purses I've gotten on serious sale (like under $10 on sale ... no joke).  Anyway, turns out my mom actually bought me a new purse for my birthday.  I love it, and it's probably the nicest purse I've ever had.  So it ended up that I wasn't really looking for anything in particular at NorthPark, but we enjoyed browsing.  There's nothing like knowing I'm about to be really large to help me resist the temptation of all the spring clothes that are out in stores for non-pregnant people.  We did wander into The Disney Store so Sara could browse.  I told Steve that just walking in there makes me want to go back to Disney World so badly ... that magic just can't be replicated anywhere!

Sara has given up napping.  Personally, I am ready to take up weekend napping, but dress up and tea parties seem take priority.  Luckily, Sara believes in sleeping in on the weekends, so we've been taking advantage of that.  We ran to Target today to grab a few things for our Super Bowl festivities.  I've said it before, but I absolutely cannot resist the Valentine's section.  Somehow sugar just tastes better packaged in red and pink with hearts all over.  I'm looking forward to our second annual (it's been more than two, but last year was the first time we really celebrated) quiet family Valentine's dinner at home next Tuesday.  This year the plan includes a crowd-pleasing breakfast-for-dinner menu.  Before that happens, though, we get to settle in for the big game tonight!  We have some friends coming over, and we're preparing a taco feast for everyone to enjoy.  I hope the commercials are top-notch this year.  As for the game itself, I don't feel strongly about either team.

Did you hear that the groundhog saw his shadow on Thursday?  Six more weeks of winter ... which, in our case, means temps in the 50s-70s.  It's hard to believe that during this time last year, we were literally snowed in for days on end.  While conditions here are always relatively mild, we've at least had some snow every winter we've been here.  This year's weather is so bizarre (as it has been in many locales across the country), and I have no idea what's in store for us this spring in summer.  I'm still keeping my fingers crossed for a taste of winter ... I'd jump for joy over an inch of snow at this point, or at least temps that warrant a heavy coat for a day or two.  Yes, I get crazy looks when I say that out loud here.  I know some of you are finally enjoying a winter snowfall (you are enjoying it, right?) ... send a little my way!

Hope you've had a good weekend.  Happy Super Bowl!