The Things They Don't Teach You

When I started student teaching, I realized very quickly that little I had learned sitting in my courses would translate to practical application.  This became even more evident when I got my first teaching job.  While I learned a lot in college, not much of it mattered in a seventh grade classroom.  That first year, I survived on instinct and with the help of a really awesome team.

I wasn't so surprised when I experienced this same phenomenon upon entering administration.  Although I had learned a lot in my classes, and much of it comes into play from time to time, it's the things they don't teach you that seem to come to the surface more often than not.  For example, one day last year, a stray dog snuck in at 7:00 with the boys coming for basketball practice.  I think I posted a quip about it on Facebook, and the fact that no textbook told me what to do when a stray dog walked into the building.  I know that example is trite, but it's true that handling that issue at 7:00 one morning wasn't something I'd necessarily been trained for.  The boys wanted to help the dog, but my mind was racing: What if it bites a kid?  What if it is carrying a disease?  It can handle the basketball team, but what will happen when the other 980 kids show up? The point is, new and unexpected situations arise every single day.  When it's a student issue, I know which route to take (and when I don't, I know who to call).  Lately, though, I have found myself encountering many new and unexpected situations with teachers.  And that's a whole 'nother beast.

Ask me any day of the year, and I'll tell you every time that public school teachers are the hardest working people on the planet.  You won't convince me otherwise.  I think one of the most important parts of my job is supporting the teachers on my campus because I believe that the way I treat my teachers impacts their performance in the classroom (it's not that I think my influence is that important, it's just that an unhappy, poorly supported teacher will have a hard time performing to his or her potential).  I believe that the teachers on my campus, many of whom were there when we opened our building - started from absolute scratch - know that I support them and believe in them.  Even when I have to sit down for a crucial conversation with someone about a performance issue, the way a situation was handled, or the like, I believe he or she knows my intention is to help grow them rather than scold them. 

This morning, I was at an off-campus meeting until about noon.  When I got back to school, I went straight to see a teacher who is expecting her first baby any day.  She had asked to meet with me yesterday afternoon, but a student issue prevented me from being available.  She just wanted me to know that she may have to sit more than normal because of the swelling in her legs and ankles.  She wanted to reassure me that her priority is her students, which I already knew.  I then went to see another pregnant teacher who was told yesterday evening that she is being assigned to bed rest - effective Friday - until her due date in June.  She was in tears over having to leave her students.  In what other business would you ever find people so dedicated to their clientele that they almost forget about their own health and well being? 

Later I stopped by to see a couple of teachers who teach our most high-needs, low-functioning special education students.  After a rough situation yesterday, I knew I needed to check in.  As soon as one of the teachers heard me ask how she was doing, she was instantly in tears.  She quickly recovered and said she was embarrassed for crying, but I told her not to be.  I knew that she needed to release some frustration, which is why I showed up to begin with.  Shortly thereafter, a teacher asked me to come see her about a conflict she'd had with another teacher (it was over something that was easily fixed, but it caused her stress nonetheless).   

When I got in my car this evening and had a few minutes to reflect before picking up the girls, it occurred to me that dealing with so many emotional situations had exhausted me ... and although I have a few years of admin experience under my belt now, nobody really "prepared" me for all of this.  I tell teachers often that the work we do is incredibly emotional: we are highly invested and take any failures very personally.  There is a reason we ended up in our line of work; if we weren't emotionally connected, we wouldn't be the right people for the job.  Going into this, though, I don't think I anticipated spending so much time working with (counseling, mentoring, whatever-you-want-to-call-it) adults.  I know that probably sounds silly and naive (and it is); it's just that the level of my potential for impact on teachers has been eye-opening to me.  I've found that the time and energy I've spent working with adults has really shaped who I am as an administrator. 

In dealing with and working through the situations nobody taught me how to handle, I'm discovering my own strengths, and hopefully encouraging some incredible teachers to stay the course, even when it's really tough.  That said, spring break is a week away ... thank goodness!   

The Happiness Project

In my last Book Talk post, I mentioned having recently read Gretchen Rubin's The Happiness Project.  I guess I would call it a memoir/self-help book; Gretchen writes about her experiences while choosing happy over the course of a year.  She doesn't recommend that the reader do what she did - she chose actions that she knew would make her happier.  I think my idea that there is self-help somewhere in this book comes from the fact that her general premise can be applied to anyone's life in an attempt to grow, learn, and generally be more satisfied.

In planning her project, Gretchen wrote Twelve Commandments for herself (i,e. Act the way I want to feel., Lighten up.), and came up with a list of Secrets of Adulthood (i.e. It's okay to ask for help., What's fun for other people may not be fun for you - and vice versa.).  Again, these are specific to her (though clearly could have a more general application).  Anyway, each month, Gretchen focused on an overarching theme.  There were specific tasks aligned with each theme, and each month built upon another.  By December, she was focusing on (and juggling) all of the tasks from the year.  I'll highlight a few that spoke to me ...

• February: Remember Love
• Don't Expect Praise or Appreciation.  Bottom line: you can say you're doing a chore or something of the like for your spouse, your family, etc., and then feel justified in deserving praise - but quit doing things for that reason.  Do things for you.  And be okay with the fact that nobody cheers you on even in the most menial of tasks.  In this section, Gretchen talked about the importance of not "keeping score."  This is so huge for me.  Even when I don't say it, I've got a tally in my head of how many loads of laundry I've done, how many times I got up in the night, etc.  It is so hard to stop keeping score, but it builds such animosity and tension.
• April: Lighten Up
• Acknowledge the Reality of People's Feelings.  Especially with our children, acknowledge and validate.  I'm always quick to say to Sara, "Yes, you do know how to do ______ by yourself."  I'm working on saying, "Sometimes that can be tough.  Try this or that ..." Often just knowing you've been heard can make a big difference.
• May: Be Serious About Play
• Start a Collection.  I dislike having items in my house that we don't need or use; Steve and I are both constantly looking for clutter we can remove.  So it does seem odd that I would have a collection, but I do have one that I really love: my Hadley Pottery.  This collection is special to me because it began with hand-me-downs from my mom and grandma.  I also like it because we use it daily.  I can't collect something that just sits, so my HP is perfect.  And using it makes me smile.
• June: Make Time for Friends
• Don't Gossip.  It gives me momentary pleasure and then ends up making me feel terrible.  Gossiping may be one of my very worst habits.  Yuck. 
• September: Pursue a Passion
• Make Time. Make time for what you enjoy.  (Remember the Secret of Adulthood listed above).  I love to read, and I love to keep this blog.  I make time for both, and should continue to do so as long as I find these hobbies enjoyable.  (During another month, one task includes finding a refuge - there is overlap here for me).
• October: Pay Attention
• Stimulate the Mind in New Ways.  Gretchen says, "...using my mind in unfamiliar ways would enhance my experience of the present moment and my awareness of self."  Personally, I have a serious desire to learn Spanish.  I have no idea how to go about that at this point, though a big piece for me would be using what little I know when I can, even though it feels embarrassing and risky.  Anyway, now I've put it out there: that's how I'd really like to stimulate my mind. 
• November: Keep a Contented Heart
• Laugh out Loud.  It's always worth the effort (even when it takes a lot).

I could keep this list going and going.  Throughout the year, Gretchen's Twelve Commandments and Secrets of Adulthood came up multiple times.  Pretty soon, it becomes obvious that the concentrated efforts during one month help support a new task in a later month.  In the end, nothing was really done in isolation.  See my note about overlap above?  Gretchen found the same thing many times throughout her project.

I was glad to have this book in hard copy rather than on my Kindle; I actually used sticky notes to tab as I read.  I don't feel like I need to (or could) replicate Gretchen's project, but I found value in the fact that she spent a lot of time thinking about the often overlooked areas of our daily lives.  I probably am not unlike many others when  I say that I want my life to be as simple as possible, and sometimes it feels like the intricacies of the daily grind zap my happiness.  Reality is, it's simple to choose happy.  It's just a matter of making up one's mind.  I plan to keep my tabbed copy of this book on my nightstand as a reminder of the choices I have when it comes to how I approach each day and, more importantly, those I love.  I encourage you to read The Happiness Project and/or check out Gretchen's blog at www.happiness-project.com. 

Where Everybody (who matters) Knows Your Name

Once a year, I get the chance to meet up with my very best friends.  And we have the very best time.  This past weekend, we met in Chicago for a quick rendezvous (and I do mean quick: from the time I pulled out of the driveway Saturday morning til the time I pulled back in Sunday evening, I was gone a total of 36 hours).  We managed to squeeze in a Chicago-style pizza lunch, a night at Howl at the Moon, a trip to Starbucks, and one to Garrett Popcorn (where we stood in line outside in the freezing cold just to buy the world's most delicious popcorn ... totally worth it, by the way).

What I love about spending time with these girls is that we always pick up where we left off.  With just a glance, we know what another is thinking.  And we laugh so, so much.  A short weekend together can literally sustain my spirit for the whole year between our visits.  This year actually marks ten years since we graduated from college, which is hard to believe (especially since, when we're together, we still act feel like we're nineteen).  In our honor, the dueling piano players at Howl at the Moon performed the Cheers theme song for us.

In the meantime, Steve was home with the girls working on his campaign for Father of the Year.  He took the girls grocery shopping, out to lunch, and to two birthday parties.  Although I still felt the pang of guilt about not being home over the weekend (just can't ever get rid of it), Steve fully supported my girls' weekend.  He is always guaranteed plenty of good stories after such a weekend so, really, everyone benefits.

Be Ours

Happy Valentine's Day!

Photo Dump

We had a crazy week.  I had to work late Monday and Tuesday nights, and Steve had to work late Wednesday night.  By Thursday night, I was so glad to just have everyone at home.  Beyond that, there's not much to say, so we'll let the photos talk.

Happy Emma!

 Happy Sara! (Straight from the car to her projects!)

Emma has been eating more and more "big girl food".  The other night, she enjoyed some squash ...

... but was really hoping for some of the grapes that big sister got to eat.

 Recently, Emma has been kicking herself into a ball while sleeping.  She'll wake up crying because she is stuck and can't get her legs back into the leg holes of her jammies.  When she woke up like this today, two potential theories ran through my mind: either she has super strength and kicked the zipper out of her jammies, or she's brilliant and figured out how to unzip them herself.  Alas, a little while later, Steve told me he had unzipped the jammies and covered her with a blanket during the night so she wouldn't get all balled up.  I'm still convinced she's got super strength and/or super brilliance.

You all know how Sara feels about holidays.  We've been decorating for Valentine's Day since the Christmas decorations came down, and now that the week is upon us, the festivities can begin.  To add to her excitement, I spruced up her pink pancakes this morning.

We're having a lazy Sunday ... my favorite kind.  Emma has enjoyed playing here ...

... watching Sara and Daddy work on projects. 

And a couple from last weekend that make me smile, but didn't make it into the last post:

 

Have a great week!

my very happy birthday

For my birthday last Saturday, we headed to Fort Worth to visit the Rahr Brewery.  I had been wanting to go for a while, and since the brewery is open to the public for two hours on Saturdays, my birthday seemed like the perfect opportunity (and the website advertises that they are family-friendly, which turned out to be very true).  When we arrived, there was a line about four blocks long.  Eleven Hundred Springs was playing, so the turn-out was much larger than it is for the normal Saturday brewery tour.  At first we weren't sure whether we'd get in, but once the line started moving and we were through the doors, we realized there was plenty of room.  Luckily, it was a beautiful day, so everyone gathered outside while the band played on the loading dock.  I got in free for my birthday, so for Steve's $10 admission, we got glasses and beers.  Sara hit up the table selling Girl Scout cookies ... happiness all around. 

It took Sara about thirty seconds to start dancing once she heard the music.  She had a great time on the dance floor, and watching her made me smile.

These little moves were just her warm-up ...

Happy baby Emma was content to hang out, watch the action, and enjoy the fresh air.

After the brewery, we headed to Joe T. Garcia's for the world's best fajitas.  At one point, Sara got out of her seat and said, "I need to go talk to Emma."  Love these two like crazy. 

What a great start to my new year!

Five Months

Say WHAT?!

Emma Grace is five months old. She is in the 13 1/2ish-lb range; she is wearing size one diapers and 3-6 months clothes, and her eyes are still blue. She is blowing bubbles, playing with toys, and putting every item possible in her mouth. Emma is rolling from tummy to back, and loves playing in her exersaucer.  A couple of weeks ago, she found Grover's nose. The rest is history.

She's trying hard to sit up, and watches every move her big sister makes.  Emma has enjoyed her rice cereal, some veggies and fruit.  She has had her first round of breathing treatments, which she hated, but generally remains a very happy, easy baby.  We are more in love every day.

Book Talk

The Book Thief was a recent book club pick.  Although it was slow to start, it ended much too quickly.  The story, about an orphan named Liesel in WWII Germany, is told by Death.  The perspective is so unique that every time I picked up the book, I had to remind myself who the first person "I" was.  Brilliant.  Liesel is the unassuming book thief who lives with the burden of being taken from her Communist mother and who keeps the secret of the Jewish man hiding in her foster family's basement.  Tragic for obvious reasons, this book highlights the power words have to bring us together, to give us normalcy, and to potentially save our lives.  An absolute must read.

Long story short, I chose Promise Not to Tell for my book club selection, sight unseen.  Although it was a fun way to choose a book (upon a rec from a friend of a friend), there is a lot to be said about reading the back of the book first.  In the early 70's in a small town Vermont, a young girl, a friend of Kate's, was brutally killed.  Thirty years later, a copycat murder occurs just as Kate returns to town to care for her ailing mother.  Although the general premise isn't so out-of-the-ordinary, this book played out like a supernatural horror movie for me.  If you're looking for a psychological thrill, go for this book.  Otherwise, I wouldn't recommend it ... I read as quickly as possible to get to the resolution, and then tossed and turned for a few consecutive nights.  Not a coincidence.

After finishing Promise Not to Tell, I knew I needed something totally different.  Luckily, Steve had gotten me a couple of books for Christmas and The Happiness Project was waiting for me on my nightstand.  Author Gretchen Rubin decided one day that life was passing her by while she was too busy to be truly, intentionally happy.  So she put together a plan, made a bunch of resolutions, and spent a year on her happiness project.  Each month she took on new tasks, adding to those of the previous months, with the intention of lightening up and living happier.  The book is broken into months, so it's easy to pick up when you have just a couple minutes to read.  And although Gretchen gives suggestions for starting your own happiness project, she tells her story not as a research tool, but as an example of what might be - the positives and negatives (she keeps it real) - if you decide to choose happy like she did.  I feel like this book was written just for me, and I plan to revisit multiple parts of it over and over.  More of my thoughts to come on this book!

Locomotion is a new novel in our sixth grade curriculum, and after hearing the teachers talk about it, I decided to borrow a copy from the book room.  Author Jacqueline Woodson also wrote Miracle's Boys, which is one of my favorites.  I did it as a read aloud for my 6th graders one year and they loved it, too.  In Locomotion, eleven-year-old Lonnie tells the story of losing his parents and living in foster care apart from his sister.  The story, written entirely in poems, is both heart-wrenching and heart-warming.  I'd recommend this book for you and for any pre-teen you know, especially a reluctant reader who may find success in reading the short poems.

“In the case of good books, the point is not to see how many of them you can get through, but rather how many can get through to you.”

Mortimer J. Adler