Just Writing to Write

My week turned out to be incredibly stressful and emotional.  Neither of those things make me happy.  But it ended on Friday evening with Allison bringing over dinner (and also a hug and some encouragement), which was a much-needed reminder for me that perspective is so important.  And so are relationships.  I really should spend more time investing in them.

Today was like an absolute roller coaster ride.  One moment, Sara was kind and sweet, and the next she was purposely defiant.  My patience is shot, and it feels like my disciplinary methods have absolutely no impact whatsoever.  However, our day wasn't all bad.  Audrey came over to play for a bit this afternoon, and during the times the girls weren't arguing over having to share something, Amy and I were able to catch up (we talked mostly about discipline ... imagine that ...). 

After Audrey left, Sara and I read a Fancy Nancy story about constellations.  In the book, Fancy Nancy makes star cookies to take along on her class field trip to the planetarium.  Sara decided that we also should make star cookies.  We made our second trip of the day to Target (because I sure wasn't about to make dough from scratch tonight) to pick up a sugar cookie packet and some new sprinkles.  Second trip, second time today I completely forgot to pick up two of Sara's prescriptions.  Both trips, though, I did manage to find things I didn't really need.  Isn't that how it always goes?

After a three or four week hiatus, "Desperate Housewives" returns tomorrow night.  I can't wait.  Only three episodes left ... ever.  I noticed that "Sister Wives" is making a reappearance in a couple of weeks. I wouldn't say it's quality TV, but it continues to fascinate me.  Plus, after "DH" ends, I really don't have a show.  I don't necessarily plan to pick up a new one full time, so I guess I'll just watch the nonsense that TLC shows mixed with the occasional "House Hunters" episode.  Gosh, I sure spend a lot of time thinking about the TV in my life.

I've decided I might finally be ready for an e-reader.  I've been resisting it for a while, obviously, but I'm coming around to the idea.  For one thing, when I have read all the books in my stack, I have to wait until I have time to either run to HPB or until a delivery comes from Amazon before picking up a new one.  And I keep having to rearrange my shelves to make room for books I've read but don't want to sell or donate.  The final factor came to light a couple of weeks ago at book club.  The book that was initially chosen, it turns out, has only been published for e-readers.  Although the selection was changed to accommodate us old-fashioned book readers, it was enough to convince me.  I haven't actually made the purchase yet, but hope to do so soon.  I'll report back on how quickly I adjust.

While I have until at least the end of August, I've been working on a list of things to do before baby.  As far as "equipment," I need the following: a new stroller (we left ours in Disney last summer), a swing (borrowed the first time around), and a pack-and-play (again, borrowed the first time around).  I plan to look at Kid to Kid and Once Upon a Child for some of these items.  I do want to purchase a cute new (clean/hasn't been sitting in the attic) cover for the infant car seat.  There are many I like in various etsy shops.  I spent some time last weekend going through the boxes of Sara's clothes I had kept.  Although the seasons will be different, I think I have a lot of nice items I can reuse if we have another fall and winter like we had this past year.

I'm about out of steam, but this outlet was what I needed.  I wish my brain would allow me to write about something interesting, but that's not in the cards tonight.  Plus, writing just to write should be a basically brain-free activity, right? 

Stretched Thin

Okay ... I know I haven't posted in a week, but in that time, Blogger has completely reformatted on me.  And I was getting on here to vent about my stress.  Thanks, Blogger, navigating a change helps a lot.

First, I have to address the obvious fact that my last post was very exciting!  Going into last Tuesday's appointment, I was incredibly nervous.  I really wanted the sonogram to reveal a baby girl, but I was trying to prepare myself to be okay with a boy.  Many people around us seemed to be rooting for a boy, but I had wanted a sister for Sara from the start.  Steve and I were both so happy when the sono tech zoomed in on the parts and said, "That should look familiar ... indoor plumbing!"  Since our big news, a number of people have said to me, "Well, I'm sure Steve really wanted a boy..." (and, truth be told, the pregnant-overly-sensitive part of me wants to get a little defensive about the insinuation that I apparently failed at something I couldn't control).  Before Sara was born, I'm not sure he cared either way about gender, but since then, he has absolutely embraced being a girl dad.  And he is so good at it.  Sara gets a sister/BFF, I got to publish my "Sisters" blog post, and Steve doesn't have to repaint a pink room.  Trifecta.

Don't even ask about names.  I'm hopeful that we can agree on one by the time baby arrives.  Sara is still firmly voting for Wonder Woman or Belle, but has recently thrown Snow White into the suggestion pot.

Onto the reason for this post (and also what's kept me from blogging consistently as of late).  Recently I have been feeling burnt out, tired with a capital "T" because my sleep is fitful and restless, and just stretched terribly thin (the latter is in direct contrast to the way I feel physically these days).  I feel like I'm just drowning at work, even after 10+ hours spent at school on a daily basis.  My desk is currently supporting my many stacks, none of which I can seem to sort through with any real progress.  For some reason, I agreed to be the summer school principal for my district's 8th grade program.  I don't know if they asked me in a moment of total weakness or if I just couldn't see past the dollar signs, but I'm certainly kicking myself right now.  I know that I'll feel good about the experience on the backside of it, but I'm in the throes of planning and hiring, and somehow there weren't any extra hours put into my day to allow for this additional piece of business.

I've also decided that being pregnant during the same year my daughter is three-years-old isn't the best timing ever.  Sara and I are both moody, opinionated, and on the verge of a meltdown ... almost all the time.  It just doesn't mesh well.  I have to think I might have more patience with her (or maybe she with me) if I wasn't pregnant and if she wasn't ... well, three.  But there's currently no changing either of those conditions, so onward we press.

I think what pains me most lately is that I'm starting to be so aware of the impact of my schedule on my family.  We spend the morning rushing out the door, and our evenings are often too short to really enjoy.  Most days I pour myself into my work, and then it's like I can physically feel myself not being the mother or wife I'd like to be.  I know that the most important thing I can give my family, especially my children, is my time, and I'm falling way behind in this category.  I'm just in the frustrating place of constantly questioning what's right and what's best.  And the idea of adding to my complete lack of balance has me even more worried.  I'm just so scared of waking up one day and I realizing I've missed everything that matters. 

Where is the how-to guide to life when you need it?  Usually I might look for it in a bottle of wine, but that option is currently off the table.

Sisters, Sisters

Sisters, sisters

There were never such devoted sisters

Never had to have a chaperone, no sir,

I'm there to keep my eye on her

Caring, sharing

Every little thing that we are wearing

When a certain gentleman arrived from Rome

She wore the dress, and I stayed home

All kinds of weather, we stick together

The same in the rain and sun

Two different faces, but in tight places

We think and we act as one

Those who've seen us

Know that not a thing could come between us

Many men have tried to split us up, but no one can

Lord help the mister who comes between me and my sister

And lord help the sister, who comes between me and my man

 Sara is going to have a little sister!  I simply couldn't be happer.

Lyrics by Irving Berlin from "White Christmas"

Sara's New Space

Sara's new furniture, including the much anticipated bunk beds, finally arrived yesterday!  There was a slight snafu when one of the boards for the top bunk split, but luckily, another piece was available in the warehouse so the delivery guys went to pick it up and then came back to complete the assembly.

From Sara's old room, we moved over the princess curtain that Grandma made, her "S" bow holder, her piggy bank, Cinderella light, some books, and a few other little accessories.  Grandma Lou made the woven wall hanging for us when we got married.  It looks perfect in Sara's purple room, and Sara thinks it was made just for her since it's a "backwards S"!  A couple of other items might make the trip to the new room, too, but right now that is all contingent on Tuesday's ultrasound results.

 The ladder for the beds is currently in the closet, and we plan to keep it there for a while.  For the moment, Sara is okay with the fact that she can't sleep up top until she's a little bit older.  Sara enjoyed sleeping in her new room last night, and on our way to the grocery store this morning, she asked, "Can I sleep in my bunk beds again tonight?" 

I love the way Sara's new room turned out.  I'm also glad we made the transition when we did so she feels like her space is special just for her, and not like she had to move because of the baby.  On Tuesday, we'll know whether her old room gets to stay as is or if it needs a paint job.  Stay tuned!

Dream a Princess Dream

A couple of weeks ago, Disney on Ice's Dare to Dream tour came through Dallas.  I debated long and hard over the $40 tickets, knowing that Sara would love the show, but cringing at the idea of dropping so much just to get in the door (especially since I knew we wouldn't get out of there without snacks and souvenirs).  As luck would have it, my friend, Allison, shared a coupon code with me, and I was able to get $10 tickets on Friday for the afternoon show on Saturday.  And to further seal the deal, there were exactly two seats left in the lower bowl section centered right in front of the castle/stage area.  Sold! 

I remember when my parents would take us to ice shows and other similar events growing up; those were always special times, and I'm thrilled to be able to share such experiences with Sara.  Disney + skating = my own little slice of heaven.  The afternoon was made complete by the fact that Sara was absolutely in awe.  She loved seeing Mickey and friends, and of course, the princesses.  She didn't take her eyes away from the ice long enough to even take a bite of her cotton candy.  And that's saying something.  (Never fear: she had inhaled a good portion of it before the show ever started). 

As we were walking out of the arena, Sara said, "That was really fun, Mom."  Such a sweet and honest statement.  Although I'm not quite half way through this pregnancy with lil' sib, I'm really beginning to feel the urgency of doing some special things just for Sara before she's no longer the only child.  Our dates are as much (or possibly more?) for me than they are for her; she's experiencing new things, and we are making memories along the way ... and I'm just savoring it all.   

Easter + a couple other items

Guess how many pictures I took on Easter?  Not a single one.  I can't believe it.  But we did visit the Easter Bunny on Saturday, so at least I have this adorable shot (it's a pic of the pic ... quality = just so-so).

We had such a nice three-day weekend.  Steve had to work Friday morning, but came home around noon.  I could definitely get used to three-day weekends happening on a more regular basis.  We spent the afternoon watching the Rangers home opener and grilling.  Friday evening we dyed Easter eggs.  I told my mom it was fun to see how much Sara has changed in a year when it comes to activities of this sort.  A year ago, she would drop the egg into the dye from 6+ inches in the air.  This year she gently placed the eggs in the color, and waited patiently for them to take on just the right hue.  I'm reminded daily by these types of little activities how quickly she's growing up. 

On Easter morning Sara was excited to see her basket filled with a variety of surprises including new princess undies, bubble bath, and a Nerf soccer ball.  I love it when a rather small monetary investment packaged in a fun basket and delivered by the Easter Bunny himself can bring such joy and fulfillment!  Sara found all of the hidden eggs and promptly started ingesting as much sugar as possible.  I made a special breakfast (only to find out that, apparently, Sara no longer likes cinnamon rolls ... what??), and then we headed over to Flower Mound for the afternoon.  On Saturday evening I had made a platter full of delicious deviled eggs, which I managed to leave sitting in our refrigerator at home.  Everyone told me it was okay, but I know they were secretly (some not-so-secretly) disappointed.  Even though the day was a complete rain-out, we had a fun time visiting, eating, and spoiling Sara, whose sugar intake caught up with her mid-afternoon.  After crashing from her high, she fell asleep on the ride home, and didn't wake up until this morning!  Hope your Easter was just that good. 

This weekend we finally got the phone call that Sara's new furniture is in and will be delivered on Saturday.  We're so excited for her purple palace to be complete.  Pictures to come...

Also, just have to give a quick thanks to everyone who called or texted to check-in during our Weather Watch 2012 last Tuesday.  It was a pretty scary afternoon, and we were so glad to be home (in a damage-free home, no less) together later that evening.  As I was busy with the 1000+ students and teachers in my building (and the many concerned parents lining up out the door), I was also obviously consumed with thoughts about Sara.  Steve and I texted back and forth (he was in a stairwell), and we just had to assume that Sara was safe and sound in good hands.  After all of my worrying, she told me that she and her friends hid from the big storm in the bathroom (which apparently was a pretty fun change of pace), and her response to my question about whether she was scared: "Of course not, Mom."  Go figure.

Have a great week!

Book Talk

Our latest book club selection, Still Alice, is one I highly recommend.  It follows Alice, a Harvard professor, and her family as they comes to terms with her early-onset Alzheimer's.  When she starts having brief memory lapses, she blames stress and a busy schedule; I think that's something we're all guilt of from time to time.  Just into her 50s, she then decides that her new issues may stem from menopause.  When doctors find otherwise, she is left shocked and scared.  I can't imagine the feeling.  Alzheimer's might scare me more than any other disease out there.  Not only are there no cures, but the thought of looking at those I love the very most and not having the capacity to identify them is just heartbreaking.  This story so beautifully depicts the grieving process that family members of people like Alice go through as they watch her decline, and as they realize that they, too, might be faced with the same fate down the road.  You will absolutely love this story, and your only disappointment will come when you've realized you've reached the end.

I have been intrigued by Heaven is for Real for a while now, and finally picked up a copy.  This is the true story of Colton Burpo who, as a toddler in 2003, almost lost his life.  After surgeries and many, many days spent in the hospital, he miraculously recovered and went about life as normal in his small Nebraska town.  Over the course of the next few months and years, he slowly started divulging information about his three minutes in heaven during one surgery.  He told his parents about meeting Jesus, the Angel Gabriel, Mary, his great-grandfather (who had died many years before his birth), his unborn sister (of whom he'd never heard, and who had died in the womb prior to his own birth), and others.  Colton described his experiences in heaven in a matter-of-fact way and without hesitation, leaving his parents stunned.  Although I've struggled with my faith and my beliefs over the years, I've always believed in a heaven (perhaps more for comfort than for any other reason).  Colton's story is incredible, and has me thinking more about what might be waiting on the other side of this life; I think it's more than any particular religion can define.  If you haven't read this book, it's definitely worth your time and thought.

I saw a review for Austenland on Kara's blog.  I thought it looked like a fun read, and happened to find a cheap copy at HPB not long ago.  Jane is in her early thirties, and feels that love will never work for her, so instead she lets herself fantasize about Jane Austen's Mr. Darcy, and the idea that he may one day come along for her.  Meanwhile, Jane's great-aunt passes away and leaves Jane an all-expenses paid trip to Pembrook Park, where Jane will spend three weeks in 1816, living the life of an Austen character (with electricity and running water, of course).  Jane agrees to let herself live in this parallel universe for three weeks before swearing off love forever, and returning refreshed to her life in NYC.  But as you can imagine, there are first some obstacles in the way of that plan, perhaps including Jane's very own modern day Mr. Darcy.  This is a quick, fun, enjoyable read.  If you have travel plans this summer (or even just leisure-at-home plans), this would be the perfect book to put on your list. 

Next up: I still need to finish The Hunger Games trilogy.  I've ignored them for a while, but Catching Fire and Mockingjay are now on the top of my reading priority list.

"The more things you read, the more you will know.  The more that you learn, the more places you'll go."

Dr. Seuss

My Bluebonnet Beauty

 Starred forget-me-nots smile sweetly,

Ring, bluebells, ring!

Winning eye and heart completely,

Sing, robin, sing!

 

All among the reeds and rushes,

Where the brook its music hushes, 

 Bright the caloposon blushes,

Laugh, O murmuring Spring!

Poem by Sara Foster Davis