A Parent's Place in School

I read an article recently in an education publication about a beloved principal who decided to leave her career because she was simply so tired of dealing with parents who felt their kids could do no wrong and the school could do no right.  She cared about each student, was a strong teacher advocate, and believed in the power of public education.  Unfortunately, her days became so bogged down with ridiculous and monotonous parent "concerns" that she finally decided to hand in her keys.  What a sad story.  And I put the word concerns in quotes because I understand that parents can hover so much that they become a hindrance to the jobs teachers try to do each day.  This isn't to say that some parents don't call or come in with valid concerns ... many of them do.  But the small group of parents who consistently want to be a crutch for their children, who refuse to hold their children accountable for anything at all, whose demands push you into such a corner that you're bound to fail regardless of your efforts, are enough sometimes to make most of us want to throw in the towel. 

Last weekend in the Dallas Morning News, there was a tongue-in-cheek commentary by Janet Gribnitz about why most coaches would prefer to coach orphans.  The author sarcastically says to the parents who tend make a coach's life close to miserable (you've seen them in movies, and probably in real life), "... you are inching closer to the well-known fact that most coaches choose this profession for the unbeatable salary and benefits, despite the fact that we all hate kids."  She goes on to suggest, "Always believe the 12-year-old ... blindly believe her without stopping to think if it even makes sense ... your kid would never in a million years get something wrong, exaggerate, or lie."  For as many times as I laughed while reading, I also shook my head in recognition of the truth amid the author's humor.

You'll all appreciate this point the author makes (sarcastically, of course): "Profanity always helps.  And for emails, be sure to use a larger font and/or all caps to help us see your point."  I LOVE IT when a parent e-mails me and puts selected words or phrases in ALL CAPS.  Yep, your purpose for this email, as well as your ahem ... class, are increasingly clear with every word you YELL in CAPITAL LETTERS.

Like with most things in life, the vocal minority can be loud enough to drown out the positive, yet often quiet, majority.  It is sad to me that a few (typically unreasonable) parents can literally drive teachers out of the careers they love because instead of pointing the finger at their own child who is failing or misbehaving, they point it at the teacher.  And they are relentless until the teacher is up against a wall, and until their kid knows to "just tell mom and dad" if there are any problems ... until even the kid has the upper hand.  I often want to ask these parents if they plan to one day have jobs for their kids, too.

Don't get me wrong: parents must advocate for their children.  There are times when it's appropriate - and even necessary - to ask questions or be critical.  But it's so important to teach your children good character and responsibility.  Be a parent who gives your kids roots and wings; let them fail and help them learn from mistakes (which means you must first let them make mistakes).  Don't assume that the qualified, usually highly-degreed professionals with whom they spend their schools days are picking on them, out to get them, or just plain dumb.  Teachers today are working harder than ever, and they are stretched so thin.  "Thank you" goes a long way with a teacher.  Starbucks cards are good, too.  Seriously, though, be a parent who says thanks.  Your kid's teachers will appreciate it ... and your kid will be better for it.