baby update

I sure don't remember feeling this tired and uncomfortable this early in my pregnancy with Sara.  Maybe that is part of the blissful forgetfulness that accompanies this state of being.  Or maybe it's because when I was this pregnant with Sara, it was November, not hot-as-Hades July.  Either way, I'm feeling a little, um ... done.  Thankfully, there is light at the end of the tunnel: only about six weeks left. 

A few weeks ago, I mentioned that baby girl may have a name.  Well, I spoke too soon.  The name we were considering is out, and we're back at square one.  Names are so hard, and even harder when the two people in charge of doing the naming disagree on what constitutes a good name.  At this point, I'm just hopeful we have a name by the time we make our drive to the hospital (or at least by the time we have to fill out the birth certificate).

I had my first major pregnancy-related meltdown recently.  All along, I had it in my head that I would be ready for baby's arrival before returning to work today.  When it became clear that my days were numbered and my to-do list wasn't shrinking much, the only seemingly reasonable thing left to do (and it happened despite my best efforts to control it) was cry.  A lot.  Steve quickly sprang into action, pulling items out of the attic and suggesting a trip to Sam's for diapers and wipes.  I felt immeasurably better with just a couple of simple items checked off the list.

Sara's behavior lately has been incredibly questionable.  Although I know the whole age factor is in play, I can't help but think that much of it is related to the fact that baby will be here soon.  She has been very clingy, as if every time I walk away from her I'll come back with a baby.  Her defiance has reached new all-time highs, and she's exercising every bit of control she can.  I know that she is noticing that all anyone seems to talk to her about is her baby sister.  It's a completely natural conversation piece, but I can see why it would get to her.  I know she can't articulate it like this, but I have to think she can feel that it's as if she's losing some of her identity as "Sara" as she shifts to "big sister."  My heart breaks at the thought of her feeling any less special or important because she has a sibling.  I know that any parent of more than one child has probably felt this way.  I certainly think I'm also mourning the end of my alone time with her.  I do know, though, that it will all be fine in the end.

As soon as I found out I was pregnant, I began dreading late July and August: nearing the end of a very long 40 weeks, the unbearable heat, and the craziness and stress of the start of school.  If you think of it, send good vibes my way!