The Happiness Project

In my last Book Talk post, I mentioned having recently read Gretchen Rubin's The Happiness Project.  I guess I would call it a memoir/self-help book; Gretchen writes about her experiences while choosing happy over the course of a year.  She doesn't recommend that the reader do what she did - she chose actions that she knew would make her happier.  I think my idea that there is self-help somewhere in this book comes from the fact that her general premise can be applied to anyone's life in an attempt to grow, learn, and generally be more satisfied.

In planning her project, Gretchen wrote Twelve Commandments for herself (i,e. Act the way I want to feel., Lighten up.), and came up with a list of Secrets of Adulthood (i.e. It's okay to ask for help., What's fun for other people may not be fun for you - and vice versa.).  Again, these are specific to her (though clearly could have a more general application).  Anyway, each month, Gretchen focused on an overarching theme.  There were specific tasks aligned with each theme, and each month built upon another.  By December, she was focusing on (and juggling) all of the tasks from the year.  I'll highlight a few that spoke to me ...

• February: Remember Love
• Don't Expect Praise or Appreciation.  Bottom line: you can say you're doing a chore or something of the like for your spouse, your family, etc., and then feel justified in deserving praise - but quit doing things for that reason.  Do things for you.  And be okay with the fact that nobody cheers you on even in the most menial of tasks.  In this section, Gretchen talked about the importance of not "keeping score."  This is so huge for me.  Even when I don't say it, I've got a tally in my head of how many loads of laundry I've done, how many times I got up in the night, etc.  It is so hard to stop keeping score, but it builds such animosity and tension.
• April: Lighten Up
• Acknowledge the Reality of People's Feelings.  Especially with our children, acknowledge and validate.  I'm always quick to say to Sara, "Yes, you do know how to do ______ by yourself."  I'm working on saying, "Sometimes that can be tough.  Try this or that ..." Often just knowing you've been heard can make a big difference.
• May: Be Serious About Play
• Start a Collection.  I dislike having items in my house that we don't need or use; Steve and I are both constantly looking for clutter we can remove.  So it does seem odd that I would have a collection, but I do have one that I really love: my Hadley Pottery.  This collection is special to me because it began with hand-me-downs from my mom and grandma.  I also like it because we use it daily.  I can't collect something that just sits, so my HP is perfect.  And using it makes me smile.
• June: Make Time for Friends
• Don't Gossip.  It gives me momentary pleasure and then ends up making me feel terrible.  Gossiping may be one of my very worst habits.  Yuck. 
• September: Pursue a Passion
• Make Time. Make time for what you enjoy.  (Remember the Secret of Adulthood listed above).  I love to read, and I love to keep this blog.  I make time for both, and should continue to do so as long as I find these hobbies enjoyable.  (During another month, one task includes finding a refuge - there is overlap here for me).
• October: Pay Attention
• Stimulate the Mind in New Ways.  Gretchen says, "...using my mind in unfamiliar ways would enhance my experience of the present moment and my awareness of self."  Personally, I have a serious desire to learn Spanish.  I have no idea how to go about that at this point, though a big piece for me would be using what little I know when I can, even though it feels embarrassing and risky.  Anyway, now I've put it out there: that's how I'd really like to stimulate my mind. 
• November: Keep a Contented Heart
• Laugh out Loud.  It's always worth the effort (even when it takes a lot).

I could keep this list going and going.  Throughout the year, Gretchen's Twelve Commandments and Secrets of Adulthood came up multiple times.  Pretty soon, it becomes obvious that the concentrated efforts during one month help support a new task in a later month.  In the end, nothing was really done in isolation.  See my note about overlap above?  Gretchen found the same thing many times throughout her project.

I was glad to have this book in hard copy rather than on my Kindle; I actually used sticky notes to tab as I read.  I don't feel like I need to (or could) replicate Gretchen's project, but I found value in the fact that she spent a lot of time thinking about the often overlooked areas of our daily lives.  I probably am not unlike many others when  I say that I want my life to be as simple as possible, and sometimes it feels like the intricacies of the daily grind zap my happiness.  Reality is, it's simple to choose happy.  It's just a matter of making up one's mind.  I plan to keep my tabbed copy of this book on my nightstand as a reminder of the choices I have when it comes to how I approach each day and, more importantly, those I love.  I encourage you to read The Happiness Project and/or check out Gretchen's blog at www.happiness-project.com.